Celebrity life is a breeze (from where I am standing). But they also have problems. Here’s a peek.
The day started off on the wrong foot. I had to wake up early (10 am, can you believe it?) for a photo shoot. It was for the cover of TIME magazine. Whatever. I tried my best and woke up at 1. My BlackBerry indicated 7 missed calls from the photographer. I didn’t miss them much. I called him after my morning tea (herbal) and breakfast.
My Ferrari broke down on the way to the shoot. The driver was unable to figure out what was wrong with it. Thankfully my iPhone had a few bars left and I could call home for the Bentley. I was just a few hours late. After I reached the location of the shoot I had to get my make-up done. The guy applying the makeup was looking disgustedly at me, mumbling something about “attitude” and “ego” but that was all I could hear over the songs playing on my iPod (crappy device BTW). Not that I cared. The dress I had to wear was too tight. They brought in the designer and she made it too loose. I ask you, how hard is it to sew a few threads together? Moreover, my Jimmy Choos were worn out with all the walking I had to endure for the shoot.
I had to put up with all this for the measly 20 million offered to me. Anyway, I had to get back soon because I had to attend an award ceremony. As I was getting ready I realized that I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. Unfortunately, the fridge was full of junk food that I am not allowed to eat until next month. I had to manage with eating the Caesar Salad specially prepared by the cook I hired last week, Adrianna something, from Italy. Seriously who remembers. The sponsors had asked me to sing. You know I can’t. But they’ll auto-tune it I’m sure. They also honoured me with a special award for my album “Crying Over The Slow Internet Connection” going triple-platinum.
On top of it all I have to bear the inconvenience of staying in this house while the penthouse is getting renovated and the villa is being furnished. Of the eight bathrooms only one has a bathtub. All the six bedrooms look the same and are so far apart. It takes me almost a minute to walk from one room to another.
More annoyance followed with all the fan mail I received. People sending flowers, jewellery, designer clothes and shoes is so exhausting to deal with. I have to go now. Big party at the director’s house. Tomorrow I have to get a pedicure, shop for clothes and catch the flight for my all-expenses-paid trip to the Cayman Islands.