Recently, I had the horrible experience of watching a movie called “Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani”. It’s about… this girl who likes this guy… and… well… I have no idea. All I saw was a bunch of loony tunes and hamming. Since it’s a Bollywood movie, a mainstream 100 crores movie, it’s obviously crap. What makes it crap is the portrayal of a girl who is supposed to be a geek who turns into a partying, drinky, cleavage-lovey, insufferable bimbo.
Going by Bollywood standards this is what a geek is:
- Geeks are supposed to wear glasses to imply their geekitude:
Yes, Deepika Padukone is an ISP (Indian Standard Pretty) girl. Yes, she has lovely eyes. So the best way to introduce her as a geek is to add glasses to her face. And they should be the 80s thick-frame kind. This will ensure that the pretty girl is indeed a geek.
- Geeks are required to carry a book everywhere:
This is a necessary evil. How else would you distinguish a geek from the cool dudes? And it has to be a book on “Taxonomic Paleontology of the Semi-Surface of Mars” or something important-sounding. Anything less does not qualify as geeky.
- Geeks are socially awkward:
The geek in question must, at all times, behave awkwardly in new surroundings. Any social contact has to include unfunny jokes or uncomfortable silence.
- Geeks do not consume any sinful liquids. In other words, geeks don’t drink:
The geeky girl has to have an aversion to alcohol so that later she can shove a bottle of vodka down her throat to break the geek-mould and become cool.
Personal note: Whichever idiot suggested that drinking is part of the cool image gets a virtual slap from me.
- Geeks must wear grandmother-esque clothes:
The geek is essentially required to look like Helena Bonham Carter at a red carpet appearance. But since the geek here is a pretty girl she will follow the Bollywood code.
- She will wear skirts that are short enough to be sexy but long enough to be geeky. She’ll even wear a skirt while hiking.
- She will wear shorts that are long in no way but short enough to be underwear.
- She is uncomfortable in a sleeveless but will strip for a song. She’ll wear a sweater over it and cover her arms but will let her long legs be visible.
Later in the movie, when she becomes cool and hip, she will discard this confusing wardrobe and stick to bras for blouses and shocking low-neck chudidars. Because, according to Bollywood,
The amount of clothing on a person is INVERSELY PROPORTIONAL to their level of coolness.
I have friends who do not wear glasses, who do not carry books everywhere, who are not awkward and who wear cool clothes. They are geeks. They read, have fun and enjoy life without having to fit into any category. But they are geeks and some of the best.
My kinda geeks.
Geeks don’t have to be the polar opposite of cool. Geeks are intelligent, funny and adventurous while Bollywood still clings on to clichés and refuses to open its mind.