Feminism sucks! What is feminism anyway? Isn’t it anti-male propaganda? Women are victims. So what? Men are greater victims, aren’t they? Women have been shouting about “women issues” time and time again. Do we really need to hear it? It has been done to death. Women issues are just complaints. Why do they exaggerate everything? 90% of rape cases filed by women are false. It is just an attention-seeking tactic. Feminism only spreads hatred. Women blame men for their own inadequacies. Now where are the sandwiches?
Shocked or surprised? I experienced both. These are a few of the comments I read after watching a video on how women are treated in a patriarchal society like good ol’ India. These comments are just a fraction of the hate (because most YouTube comments ultimately lead to some argument, mostly irrational) spewing on YouTube. Most of these comments are from men. Before I begin a new argument, please watch the video below.
The video talks about the differences in the upbringing of girls and boys. Boys play cricket, while girls play with dolls. We segregate the responsibilities at a very young age.
- You’ve grown up, behave like a girl. If not now, when will you learn your responsibilities?
- DO NOT wear short skirts.
- No late-night parties.
- Learn to cook (I get this a lot nowadays).
- There’s no need to study anymore.
- Learn household chores.
- Be in your limits.
- Curb your dreams and desires.
- Close your legs.
These are just a few of the many atrocities that women, from the Dharavi-class to the Ambani-class go through day-in and day-out. Sexual harassment is endemic everywhere. Cat-calling, whistling, inappropriate touching, and masturbating in public are just some of the privileges men are blessed with. The police will blame the woman. Society will blame the woman. While men boast of success, the woman behind him will stay behind. A married woman is identified by the bangles on her hands, the sindoor on her forehead etc. while the man has no such jazz. Matrimonials look for a fair bride. A promiscuous man is macho but his bride has to be a virgin. Marital rape is not rape. Society questions girls and advises them to look and act decent.
Now, my arguments. Nowhere in the video did I see any generalization or sexism. It was about treating women with respect, to accept women as a part of the human race just like men; unlike what is currently the situation in the country.
India is apparently a gynocentric and misandrist society, according to a very argumentative and sarcastic person. Now this is laughable. The skewed sex ratio is proof that India is neither of these. I have never heard of male infanticide here. Being born with a penis is like winning a lottery. People rejoice, throw parties, and generally breathe a sigh of relief. This character goes on to say that men have zero rights over marriage, wife, kids, or money. Apparently, having rights over your wife and kids is a must. They are objects anyway, right? Plus a live-in girlfriend is a curse because she has the same rights as a wife. This dude wants to live with the woman, sleep with her, and treat her like shit but he won’t take any responsibility in the relationship. May the almighty save his girlfriend!
This is the problem with society. They want all the benefits but when the other party asks for something back, it’s termed nagging, or as some men will so dramatically put it, harassment. Let me clarify this, men face harassment too and women know that. The problem is, when men face harassment society listens, takes action or does nothing, and quietens. When a woman faces harassment, she is stripped of her dignity by the very society that harps about her purity.
Another talks about inadequacies but doesn’t explain what those are. One finds the video hilarious. One thinks it’s all blah. Some think it’s offensive to men. Then there are those who talk about how the women in the video are not hot. And then there are a couple of women who blame the women for making the video and defend the haters.
Virginity is everything here. You talk to a guy, you are a slut. You sit next to a guy, you are a whore. You kiss your boyfriend, you are a bitch. And lots of other citations are heaped on you because you are a woman. Being termed a playboy is something that a man is proud of. It is so positive and penis-enlarging, isn’t it? If someone (say, a woman) grabs your privates in public, you will not be embarrassed because the public will focus on the woman, stare at her, and make her a bitch before you can open your mouth and call her the same. If a man grabs a woman’s breast in public, the stares are still directed at the woman, questioning her self-worth (It happened to me. The molester laughed and sped away on his scooter, not before he flashed a proud smile).
Parents don’t want girls in their families because they have to pay dowry, have to worry about her education that adds to the already stated dowry, worry about the girl getting raped, and generally bringing a bad name to the family. Listen up parents, you don’t have to pay dowry. It is illegal. If you are worried that your daughter is not getting married, think that maybe there is something wrong with the boy who has rejected the proposal. Don’t blame her. If you think educating her is a burden, then you are not giving her a chance to excel. If you fear her getting raped, teach her to be brave and face the world. Don’t victimize her before she is born. You need to protect her from a misogynistic society, not from late-night parties.
Indian culture is about respect. Respect for all creatures. It is not about women cooking for men while they are sleeping with their secretaries in the office. It is not about walking behind the husband and letting you dictate her life. And it is definitely not about virginity before marriage. It is about respecting the individual for their values and accepting them without bias even if your views differ from theirs. Western culture is not spoiling values. It is narrow-minded people who act on their insecurities and biases that cause the downfall of any civilization.
Women who party, who drink, who smoke, who have one-night stands, who are promiscuous, who are in live-in relationships, who have boyfriends, who wear short clothes, who have male friends, and who openly talk about sex are not characterless or slutty. They are women who have control over their lives. They are doing what they want because, believe it or not, they are blessed with a mind and are free to do whatever they choose to. If that sounds scary then such men are probably filled with self-doubt.
A male colleague of mine who I highly respected once said to a pregnant colleague to not expect her child to be a girl because she would have to pay a heavy dowry at her daughter’s marriage. A popular joke is that, before we had to find a good boy for our girls. Now we have to find a good girl for our boys. How idiotic is that? Another male colleague called a talented actress a buffalo because she is fat, while he has a picture of a talentless starlet as his wallpaper. And this is the guy who believes that we need good girls for our boys. Make up your mind people. It is really unfortunate that I have to associate myself with such people. My ex-boyfiend (I spelt it like that on purpose), didn’t split the bill. I paid for meals. He didn’t bother about feelings. He was interested in the physics of love. He redirected every question to me and blamed me for his failing. Finally, when he got bored he showed his true colours. It was never about us. It was always about him.There are worse things I have been through with him. So don’t belittle my pain.
Hear ye, all men. We are not exaggerating. We are not too feminist. We are not anti-men propagators. We are not jokers. We are a voice that needs to be heard. Treat us like equals. Then, we will also split the bill. We will also listen to your problems. We will also fight with you. And we will definitely make you that sandwich.
To the non-supporters who think this video is a waste of time, thanks for watching and creating awareness that the problem lies in your insecurities and minds, and not in the woman. To all the supporters, thank you for the love.