Duckface: A Dedication

We see it every time we browse the internet. It hits us on our face when we click on it. From unhinged celebrities to adolescent teens everyone is doing it. And it’s spreading fast. Ladies and gentlemen, here is the DUCKFACE. My post on the types of profile pictures missed out on the duckface. There is something about it that requires a separate article. Thanks to Katie (Sass and Balderdash) for the suggestion.

Is it a kiss? Is it a pout?
It’s funny and annoying, without a doubt.
It’s everywhere, every place
A mental scar, leaves the dreaded duckface.

What is a duckface?
For people born in the pre-internet era, a duckface is the face of a duck.
For the more unfortunate ones, a duckface is a pout-y/kiss-y face made by a person with the intention of being sexy and desirable.

Duckface (source)

I understand that everyone wants to be a desirable object but this is dragging it too far. Aping Angelina Jolie, Miley Cyrus and Robert Pattinson with the pout has become the ‘in’ thing. The sad part is it makes the person look like, as the name suggests, a duck. It is neither sexy nor cool. It has become a fad among teens to post absurd pictures with the duckface switch turned on. Now is the ‘teenage rules’ era. Everything from Twilight to Justin Bieber to the duckface have been made popular by this generation. Seems like evolution is going horribly wrong.

What’s wrong with a good old smile? The duckface makes me want to cut my hair off, burn and eat it. I have been at the giving end of a duckface and to my horror it was caught on camera. I regret it to this day. My message to all the duckface lovers out there; STOP IT! PLEASE.

What do you think of the duckface? Let me know.

Photo Frames: A Decline

A profile picture should be like the picture on a driving license; funny enough to be embarrassed about and clear enough to be recognized. My last post explored the horrors of the Facebook ‘like’ button and the photos that are liked. As I was skimming through the various profiles on Facebook I saw a common pattern among the profile pictures and summarized them into these categories.

Let me know if there are any more and I will add them.

1) “Snow White” (Mirror Self-Photos): 

Mirror, mirror on the bathroom wall,
Who is the cutest/sexiest of them all?

Subject is supposedly: 
Sexy, hot, naughty.

My feeling: 
Why is it mostly in the bathroom?

Things you need:
A mirror (preferably a bathroom one), a camera phone and your best/worst pose.

Procedure:
a) Stand in front of a mirror
b) Strike a pose, any pose
c) Position the camera (lens towards the mirror)
d) Click

2) Facebook’s Next Top Model” (Hand-On-The-Hip-With-A-Fringe-Hairstyle):

You know my hips don’t lie,
And I’m starting to feel it’s right,
All the attraction, the tension,
Don’t you see baby, this is perfection

     -Shakira (Hips Don’t Lie)

Subject is supposedly: 
Sexy, innocent, nubile, naughty.

My feeling: 
Why does this pose remind me of Victoria Beckham? Is that a good thing?

Things you need:
Someone with a camera, a hip or two (preferably on yourself) and a head (for co-ordination).

Procedure:
a) Wear the tightest of clothes (optional, of course)
b) Place hand(s) on the hip(s)
c) Tilt head at an angle of 45° backward or sideways
d) Click

3) Socrates” (Staring Into The Horizon):

“The health of the eye seems to demand a horizon. We are never tired, so long as we can see far enough” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Subject is supposedly: 
Deep, intellectual, emotional.

My feeling: 
This is always on a beach. Do thoughts suddenly pop-up on the beach? Do ocean waves thrash on the rocky mind and fill it with emotions? I think you do it because the beach is the only place where you can stare into space without looking like a creepy serial killer.

Things you need:
Someone with camera know-how, the knowledge of what a ‘HORIZON’ is and a soulful expression.

Procedure:
a) Go to the beach
b) Take a friend with you if you don’t want your camera stolen
c) Look at a specific point at the farthest end of the water
d) Multiply: 25637 X 65890 in your head
e) Click

4) Discovery Travel & Living” (Foreign Trips):

“The cool thing about being famous is traveling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff” -Britney Spears

Subject is supposedly: 
In a good job that allows foreign trips or some rich person’s heir.

My feeling: 
A huge ego trip anyone?

Things you need:
A camera, a monument that is famous (Eiffel Tower, Leaning Tower of Pisa, Taj Mahal, Statue of Liberty etc), someone who looks like a native of the place and a smug expression.

Procedure:
a) Get a job or inherit lots of money
b) Visit places that usually crop up in movies
c) Stand in front of the monument or building
d) Preferably stand with someone who looks like he/she is from that country
e) Click

5)The Grudge” (Scary and Gross): 

“Stuff that’s hidden and murky and ambiguous is scary because you don’t know what it does” – Jerry Garcia

Subject is supposedly: 
Funny, weird, different, unique.

My feeling: 
YAWN!

Things you need:
Stock photos of really gruesome, scary or weird things OR a camera and your imagination/embarrassment.

Procedure:
a) Upload the stock photo OR
b) Wear craft paper, paints, fake teeth or anything that makes no sense in general public
c) Think of the first time you saw “Twilight”
d) Click

6) “The Mona Lisa” (Posing But Not Looking At The Camera):

It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

Subject is supposedly: 
Mysterious, secretive, naughty.

My feeling: 
If you expect me to ask “Hey! What’s with the smile?”, “What are you looking at?” etc, dream on.

Things you need:
Someone with camera know-how, a joke that is very funny like “Twilight being better than Harry Potter” or a serious thought such as, “If Newton had not discovered gravity, would learning Physics have been less painful?” and a place that is unlikely to trigger such thoughts.

Procedure:
a) Travel to the said place
b) Don’t look at the camera but know that it is taking your photo
c) Think of un-relatable thoughts not coinciding with the location
d) Click

7) “Stockers” (Stock Photos):

“You don’t take a photograph, you make it” – Ansel Adams

Subject is supposedly: 
Lazy, cute, happy, sad or in some mood known to humankind.

My feeling: 
How am I supposed to find you if you have pictures of unknown babies, bouquets, quotes and useless things as your identity?

Things you need:
Stock photos from the internet.

Procedure:
a) Upload the photos

8) “Andy Warhol” (Inane and Insane):

“I like boring things” -Andy Warhol

Subject is supposedly:
A deep thinker, smart, a photography wiz, abstract, unique, modern.

My feeling: 
Taking pictures of random things like a broken nail, the garbage can, the open fridge, a dog’s tail, bird droppings, cow dung or bullshit does not make you an abstract photographer.

Things you need:
A camera and something worthless like empty water bottles, garbage on the road, leg in a cast etc

Procedure:
a) Point camera at the object
b) Aim and capture only 25% of it OR
c) Tilt the camera to get a slightly slanted view of the picture
d) Click
e) Upload as profile picture

Nepotism and New Entertainment

Every now and then news breaks out that a star kid sets foot in cinema. But rarely do they leave a mark. And when I say STAR kid. I mean someone whose mum or dad is an Academy Award winner, a very highly respected or popular actor/actress or is a huge powerhouse in direction, production etc. This excludes people like Kristen Stewart, Daniel Radcliffe, Keira Knightley, Blake Lively and many others because their parents, though from the industry, are not in the media’s eye as some others’. I wouldn’t blab if the kid HAD talent but the majority of them are defined otherwise.

>>1. Jaden and Willow Smith:
Father: Will Smith

Picture link
What happens when your dad happens to be one of Hollywood’s commercially successful leading man?
Answer: You get to star in movies that he acts in and produces. You get to act in movies that his friends star in and produce. You get to sing and whip you hair even though you are talent-less and still be famous.
Jaden’s notable movies:
1. The Pursuit of Happyness: Starring Will Smith.
2. The Day the Earth Stood Still: Starring Keanu Reeves who worked with Jada-Pinkett on The Matrix.
3. The Karate Kid (2010): Produced by Will Smith.
Willow’s work:
1. I am Legend: Starring Will Smith.
2. “Whip My Hair”: Less said the better.

>>2. Abhishek Bachchan:
Father: Amitabh Bachchan

This one is closer to home. And sadly there seems to be no hope. Overacting, bad accent, copying his dad and talent-less is his way of waltzing through a movie that we have to endure for the length of it. And somehow he always has the same expression most of the time. Or maybe it’s just me.
Notable work:
1. Guru: Apparently, he’s done a good job in it. I haven’t seen it though.
2. Yuva: Again, a good movie and decent acting.

>>3. Colin Hanks:
Father: Tom Hanks

As an actor, I would give Colin a 5. He isn’t bad, but he isn’t great either. He does not have a flattering resume that talks about his range. Maybe he wasn’t given the opportunity. I remember him as Anna Faris’ arm candy in “The House Bunny”.
Notable work:
1. Dexter: A good role which could have been a breakthrough for him but no such thing on the way.

>>4. Uday Chopra:
Father: Yash Chopra

I am still wondering which was the last movie that Uday Chopra starred in that didn’t smell of bullshit. Right from Mere Yaar Ki Shaadi Hai to the atrocious Dhoom series he has been a part of the industry without having to be a part of it. As far as acting is concerned it would be a waste of time talking about something that is non-existent.
Notable work:
1. Mohabattein: And the only reason it was good, 3 words, Shah Rukh Khan. Produced by dad Yash Chopra and directed by brother Aditya Chopra.

>>5. Tori Spelling:
Father: Aaron Spelling

Aaron Spelling was the grandmaster of television for over three decades. He produced many successful shows and launched the careers of many young stars. So it would be that daddy dearest produced a small show called Beverly Hills 90210 and had his little girl star in it. All thanks to Aaron Spelling that our association with Tori began.
Notable work:
1. Beverley Hills 90210
2. Saved by the Bell

Pictures

Expectation vs Reality

I’ve been getting a heavy dose of reality from the past couple of days. These pictures say it all.

My feelings EXACTLY.

Who needs friends when you have the Internet 😦

I always do this.

I look worse.

Why doesn’t this happen?

Come this January, it would be the 4th anniversary of the resolution and 4th anniversary of the reality.

 (Link Link | Link)

F*R*I*E*N*D*S: Why it’s still the best

F*R*I*E*N*D*S is my all-time favourite sitcom. Nothing compares to it’s humour and even 8 years after the finale it still cracks me up. Here are a few reasons why:

Ross’ definition of love. (link)

The choices. (link)

The explanations. (link)

The forethought. (link)

Something to think about. (link)

Ad ideas. (link)

Unfortunate coincidences. (link)

(link)

(link)

Creativity. (link)

The Epic Battle: Harry Potter vs Twilight

I have always expressed my displeasure at Twilight for the following reasons:

  1. I was bored after reading it. Not literature, great or otherwise. Just a girl’s rant about the “Oh! So Amazingness of Mr. Sparkley Vampire”.
  2. The comparisons to Harry Potter (my favourite). They are different. Any comparison would be an insult to Harry Potter.
  3. The fans. Many fan girls are teens and tweens. They get down to abuse, verbal and apparently physical sometimes. Forget debate, it’s always an argument with them. There are fans that are sensible enough to take this war in good stride.

So here I have a collection of Harry Potter vs Twilight pictures. Just for laughs.

The arguments. (link)

The fans. (link)

The reasons. (link)

(link)

Sometimes I feel the same but the book isn’t mine and my friend loves it. (link)

Misguidance. (link)

Inspiration. (link)

The unfortunate reality. (link)

(link)

I agree. (link)